Domestic Violence Resources

Growing up with someone who has a drinking problem can be a traumatic experience. In Maya’s case, her father’s alcoholism fueled the physical and emotional abuse of her mother. Witnessing countless violent outbursts from her father, Maya wondered why her parents continued to stay together.

Pamela Cross, the legal director of Luke’s Place, said the decision making process to step out of an abusive relationship is oftentimes more complicated than we think.

“She’s very frightened. She may be a very competent woman in her life at work, or even as a parent, but within the relationship, she isn’t that empowered woman because the abuser has told her, ‘I’m in charge!’

“So to take that first step out of that relationship is terrifying. This isn’t about one hit or one punch or one argument where something gets thrown across the room. Intimate partner abuse is about a pattern of behavior that escalates over time. The abuser will intensify his power over the victim, using tactics that not only instill fear, but also creates the impression that leaving won’t be easy for her”.

TRAPPED BEHIND CLOSED DOORS

According to 2019 police data, over 22,000 children and youth experienced family violence in Canada. A significant increase from the 19,000 reported the previous year.

Maya has called police on her father before, after she witnessed him grabbing her mother by the hair and throwing her on the bed. Feeling helpless, the then-teenager and her brother wanted to protect her mother, so they called 911. “Never once did I feel guilty about calling the police; it was more the pressure of doing it for the first time,” Maya said.

Though it’s usually victims who make a report to police. In Canada, officers have a duty to lay charges, if they see evidence of family violence. The challenge is that so much violence that happens within families isn’t physical; a lot of it is emotional, psychological, verbal. There are no criminal charges for that kind of abuse.

Maya’s father ended up going to jail three times over the course of her childhood, but she said it did little to protect her mother from his abuse – especially when his side of the family got involved and encouraged her to let him move back in with them. “It was tough as a child; family members would come over and say, ‘oh he’s changed’. We knew for a fact he hadn’t, but we were supposed to take him back into the house. They knew what he was doing and they still pressured us. That’s why we took him back over and over.”

HOW THE LAW WORKS AS A BARRIER FOR WOMEN

Victims and survivors of domestic violence face countless barriers in trying to leave their abusers, including in the courts. The lack of general understanding of how the law works is one of the biggest barriers for women, giving their abusers the opportunity to plant seeds of doubt about leaving or using controlling tactics to bring them back home. Many women don’t disclose that they’ve been in an abusive relationship for a variety of reasons, including fear, embarrassment, and retribution.

A huge barrier is that the vast majority of women, in Ontario and the rest of Canada don’t have proper representation. Cross said between 60 per cent to 80 per cent of women represent themselves because there’s a lack of support. Which means these women are dealing with complicated legal issues, while navigating the court system and continuing to face ongoing abuse and threats from their partner.

LIVING WITH TRAUMA

Now an adult, Maya’s childhood continues to be a source of trauma. Though her father is now living a sober life and taking steps towards change, she’s conflicted about her feelings towards him. Her mother sometimes reminds her of these traumatic years, warning her to not tolerate any form of abuse from any man. While she continues to struggle with the effects of her father’s abuse to this day, Maya hopes her story will help to dispel the taboo around leaving an abusive relationship. “I understand how hard it is, but you’re not alone,” Maya said.

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Victims are at greatest risk of being seriously harmed when they decide to leave, or if the abuser thinks they want to leave. Which is why it’s important that when someone decides to seek help, those supports are available and easily accessible to them.

Legal Aid offers a number of services to victims and survivors of domestic violence. Those are women who don’t have money to get a lawyer can get a lawyer. Additionally, the publicly-funded non-profit corporation, said it significantly increased the number of lawyers available to clients, in response to the increase of violence during the pandemic.

GENERAL RESOURCES

• Assaulted Women’s Crisis Lines:
  
  • GTA: 416-863-0511
  • TOLL-FREE: 1-866-863-0511
  • Text #7233 on your Bell, Rogers, Fido or Telus mobile phone
• myPlan Canada
  
  
  • myPlan Canada is a tool that women experiencing intimate partner violence can use to help them make decisions about their safety, health and well-being.

PEOPLE SEEKING LEGAL ADVICE

• Legal Aid Ontario
  
  • Toll-free line, available in 300 languages: 1‑800‑668‑8258
  • Confidential telephone service for those who have experienced domestic violence: 1-800-668-8258 (GTA: 416-979-1446)
• Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic
  
  • This clinic provides free legal representation in family and immigration law, as well as counselling and language interpreter services for women who experience physical, sexual, or psychological abuse
  • Toronto area: 416-323-9149

SHELTER INFORMATION

• Shelter Safe

Source:  https://toronto.citynews.ca/topic/behind-closed-doors/